It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
