No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
