Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
