I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
