At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
