jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
