Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
