nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
