All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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