The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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