im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
