Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
