i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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