wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
