Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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