I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
