Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
