Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
