Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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