that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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