She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
