My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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