So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize