I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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