cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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