Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize