I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I am naked and annoyed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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