just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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