I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
