You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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