dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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