God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
