I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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