I bet he comes in French.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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