are you still at the devil's house?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
