I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
