I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
