Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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