is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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