Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
