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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
