tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
