Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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