you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
