You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
