I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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