I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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