perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
