Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
