why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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