He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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