Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Watching her eat just hurts me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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