dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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