Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize