My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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