Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
