I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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