The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
