So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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