brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she peed on how many people?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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