Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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