i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
