If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
