he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
