If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
