u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
birth control should be required to get into college
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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