It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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