just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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