kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
